The Islamic Garden
Questions and Answers for New Muslims
i was in love with a Muslim girl for around three years.....i had asked her to go for umra also for our marriage......now she separated from me......but when she was with me she filled me with Islamic beliefs and am not able to accept other religion now even my own hindu religion........now i don have her....what should I do...... I wanted to marry her and convert to Islam and then go for hajj and umra with her.....now it feels like everything is over...... were is Allah whom I had started believing in.......now am just helpless...I pray at 3 30 am Indian time which is supposed to be best time for asking dua.....all I got now is some zam zam water and a Quran which she had given me....
Salam alaikum, thanks so much for sharing your situation with us all today. I feel the sadness in your question; your sense of loss. I pray that Allah will bless you always.
You asked ‘Where is Allah who you had started to believe in?’ Well, He guided you to write today and He is always close to us; it is we who move away from Him. Our fear, anger and other negative emotions take us away from Him and make His guidance seem like an echo from far away. If we want to move closer to Him we have to, first, make the intention to lead an upright life for His sake, second, rid ourselves of sinful habits (things like back biting, immorality and so on), and third, spend more time in prayer and contemplation, mix with people who are trying to do the same things and be vigilant in prayer, giving to others and being honest with yourself.
Everything that happens to us is part of Allah’s plan; He created all things with mercy, compassion and wisdom and He does not give us anything that is too much for us. So, if this girl is no longer in your life, perhaps it means that you have gained from your experience with her, what you needed to learn. She helped you make the first steps in your journey toward Allah and now, perhaps, you are read to stand on your own, trusting in your Creator and approaching life with more courage and insight.
It is really important that we love Allah more than anyone or anything else. It is this love, acknowledgement and appreciation for our Creator that gives us enlightenment, inner strength; wisdom. Always be positive. Remember that Allah promises us that we will face difficulties but He always puts the ease inside the difficulty; so it is important how we perceive life’s challenges. If we learn to be positive we will always gain from our experiences, no matter how painful they might be.
Sometimes, hardship softens the heart and this is such a blessing. Because wisdom and piety can only descend on a humble heart that is free of hate, grudge, envy and fear. So I advise you to look at what you have available in your hands today. You have your good intention. You have your desire to know Allah and be close to Him. You have zam zam water – drink it and pray and ask Allah for what you want! And you have the Quran, so read it. The Creator hears every Prayer and He answers it in His own time – not necessarily when we want it. He knows our fears, our weaknesses and He will send His help and guidance. The universe is at your service and life is what we make of it, so continue, don’t look back, but make your life’s purpose one of developing and refining your self and Allah will send the people and things you need. All the best.
Assalama Allaykum Dear brothers and sisters,
i would like to know about the topic of the destiny and also about missing fasting some days in ramadan, because am 23 year old woman, and except the last two ramadans which i fasted the days i missed, i have never fasted and the days i missed in those other ramadans, so do i have to pay for them now or i ask Allah for forgiveness and start fasting better way in the forth coming ramadans insha Allah, Your answers will help and save your sister big time....!!!!
thanks and may Allah bless you.
Salam alaikum, many thanks for sending in your question. May Allah bless you always and accept your fasting and all your efforts to draw closer to Him.
If you happened to miss any days of fasting from last Ramadan you can make them throughout the year before the next Ramadan. It is a Sunnah to fast on Mondays and Thursdays (even if you do not owe any days of fasting) and also on the three days in the middle of the month. So, if you fast on those Sunnah days with the intention of making up for the days of Ramadan that you missed, you would get even more blessings!
About destiny….one of Allah’s Names is the All-Knowing. This means that He knows everything; He even knows what we will do before we do it! He, the Almighty, created everything with mercy, compassion and wisdom and He alone knows what the destiny of all things will be. We, however, enter this life pure and innocent with an inbuilt nature that instinctively knows right from wrong and seeks to know our Creator. We venture forth in life and Allah sends us people, events and opens the way for us to go to places but at every step of the way, we make decisions; how we will respond to the things that Allah sends our way. So, He sends us the means, we respond, and this brings about the affect. All the best.
I'm considring becoming a Muslim, however, I feel i'm kinda scared to take that huge step...where I live, Islam is not really welcomed, I'm afraid of rejection from everyone around me. please advise
Salam alaikum, many thanks for sending in your question. I pray that Allah guides you and keeps you close to Him always.
There is increasing hostility toward Islam in the world, but I think you will agree that people are usually angry and reject things that they do not understand. With a vacuum like this; as people do not really understand the essence of the Islamic message, it is easy for people to make up their minds based on what they hear on TV and read about in newspapers. This poses quite a challenge to people who attempt to be an example of what Islam stands for.
As you decide whether or not to embrace Islam as your way of life, it is important that you keep a few things in mind. Whatever you do, you should do it for the sake of your Creator; because of your desire to be close to Him and to understand yourself and the world more and more. You can accept Islam and people do not necessarily have to know about it all at once. You are still the same person; but are simply refining yourself. Perhaps you won’t go to the same places you used to go. Perhaps you will drift away from old friends whose habits are now different from yours. Maybe people will see a difference in you; but that difference will be positive! If your loved ones know about your change, I expect they will be watching you intensely. But what will they see? A more honest person. A more humble person. A more insightful person. A more helpful person. Someone who prays a lot, speaks without using profanities, helps without seeking something in return, works hard, is on time, is trustworthy, never harms….Good changes, don’t you agree?
If you change in these ways, and people still reject you, just leave them be. Things turn around and perhaps in the future, they will see you in a different light and come close again.
Regardless, it is really important that you have the courage to forge your own way in your life. You shouldn’t depend on what people think or how they react when you make life-changing decisions. Search within yourself for the courage to stand up for what you believe it and then take one step at a time toward your goal, which is, developing and refining yourself, giving back to the world in a positive way, and getting to know your Creator. All the best.
wHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO A WOMAN WHO JUST CONVERTED A FEW MONTHS AGO?
Salam alaikum, many thanks for your question. I would advise her to gain heaps of knowledge about what it means to be a woman. Unfortunately, women are still suffering all over the world. They usually do not receive their rights and people often have a distorted perception of the role of women in life. So it is necessary to learn what her rights are, what her duties are and to know the opportunities that exist in the place where she is.
It is tempting in such a situation to lean toward what is known as the feminist movement, but sadly, in many cases, where this movement is left without wisdom and guidance, it gives to the woman but takes away from other elements of society. So what is needed is balance.
Essentially, women should strive to develop and refine themselves, be close to their Creator, say and do the things that give back to the world in a positive way and always intend and seek to be a part of any work or project or movement that is ‘good’.
Any new convert will be exposed to all the inconsistencies of the Muslim community at large and it can be a daunting task to sift through the rights and wrongs of various communities and their beliefs and behavior. So, it is essential that she develops her spirituality (closeness to Allah) so she can receive His guidance with a humble, sincere heart and seek knowledge wherever she finds it. It is also vital that she surrounds herself with people who will encourage her on her journey to Allah and who will remind her if she slips up. At the same time, she must keep contact with non-Muslim family and close friends and be a positive, kind and compassionate influence on them. All the best.
There is so much to learn about Islam...there are the rules of practice, the rules of belief, the different schools of creed and law...I left Christianity to get away from all the different schools and beliefs...
Salam alaikum, many thanks for your question. All these rules and different schools and beliefs are man-made. If we go back to the essential belief and meaning of that belief it is very simple and can be understood by us individually. The prayers and fasting and other acts of worship are things we need to know how to perform correctly, then after that, we go ahead and do them and develop ourselves through them. You only have to learn these things once. The acts of worship and good deeds we do are things that help us achieve a certain state of being and this is what we are judged on.
Depending on where you are, there should be a variety of places where you can go to learn about Islam and mix with Muslims. If this is not possible, the internet is great! But it is also very important to remember that it is not good to isolate yourself; spend time with the people around you and be confident in who you are and what you stand for. What we learn should be translated into our words and behavior and with those things we should be able to go out into the world and mix with people and be a positive influence wherever we go.
The differences of opinion we find between various people who represent Islam these days is something that is difficult to avoid. But at the end of it all, we have to turn to Allah for guidance and know that He will guide us to the people, books, information we need to learn what we need to learn at that time. We are all on a journey. Sometimes you might find people who have spend time with one particular group of school of thought, then that person leaves and comes closer to another group and so on. From all this, we learn and develop in different ways, so be positive about what you are exposed to know, learn from it and know you are free to move on to knowledge of a different kind.
All the best.
Hola, how do you deal with your children, does your culture conflict with Islam?
Salam alaikum, many thanks for your question. Culture is such an important part of our lives and of our children’s lives. It gives us times to celebrate and be close to each other and it gives meaning. So much of our culture is a part of Islam; and being Muslim doesn’t mean we have to give up our culture. It simply means that we use Islam as the criteria to know if something is good or bad; beneficial or not beneficial.
Basically, we shouldn’t follow anything that associates partners with Allah. We shouldn’t follow any cultural practice that harms people or that involves any form of immorality.
I try to be as flexible as I can in this area with my children because otherwise, we would end up saying ‘no’ to just about everything and that will probably drive them away. As Muslims we can still have fun, mix with people and so on, but we do so with a clear intention; that everything we do we want to draw closer to Allah and give back to the world in a positive way, according to His guidance. There is no clear cut answer to such a general topic, but with this criteria in mind, I think we will be able to find our way through the maze. All the best..
I am thinking of converting to Islam, but I am worried that I know my parents and friends will not support me. I have heard that the muslim community here do not pay attention to new muslims and I shouldn't rely on them for support. I am worried that I will be all alone and nobody will teach me how to practice this new faith.
Salam alaikum, thanks so much for sending in your question. May Allah bless you and give you courage and strength.
When someone accepts Islam it is usual that family and friends react. Some react negatively, some are surprised, some might be afraid (that you will change for the worse) and others might be curious. But, we know that it is not wise to base our life-changing decisions on what people will say and how they will react because everyone sees life and people from their own point of view; not necessarily from what is true and real.
So, be sure that Allah is the One who provides support and help and He sends it to us from places we could never imagine. But He will send it, with or without the help or family, friends or community. The greatest support is the one you give yourself by being consistent with your prayer, dua and reading. Developing our spirituality is vital to survival in today’s world and this is done through acts of worship, the good deeds we try to do and spending time to ponder, reflect and be honest with ourselves.
When I first accepted Islam, I spent three years away from family and friends. I found myself isolated and at the time, I thought these were the loneliest years of my life, however, looking back I can see that during those years I grew stronger; I learned to rely on Allah, not on people. I developed more confidence in who I am and learned to interact with a variety of people. That does not mean you will go through the same experience; we all go through things differently, but I mean that everything has a positive side. If we look for the positive we will find it and we will gain wisdom, strength and compassion, and likewise, if we insist on being negative we will also find it and it will only add to our feelings of helplessness.
So, I advise you to search your heart and seek Allah’s help and guidance and make those first steps based on what ‘you’ want to do; knowing full well, that you understand what you are doing. All the best…